


Nanny Armity

by DarthLumpy



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ahch-To, Babysitting, Crack, Fluff, Ice Cream, M/M, Millicent - Freeform, Reylo - Freeform, Silly, The Caretakers - Freeform, porgs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 18:07:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13595508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarthLumpy/pseuds/DarthLumpy
Summary: Twenty years into the future, the galaxy is at peace. General Hux has been tasked with the care of the seventeen daughters of Ben and Rey and the son of Finn and Rose along with his boyfriend, Poe Dameron on Ahch-To.  Don't take it too seriously.All characters property of Lucasfilms, I am just playing with the toys.





	Nanny Armity

So one of my Star Wars pals draws this picture of Rey and Ben with their seventeen daughters. Then our little group conjectures that General Hux babysits them. It all went nuts from there. Twenty years into the future from TLJ as improbable as it is, there is some kind of peace in the galaxy, everyone is happy, Finn and Rose have a little boy, and General Hux has a boyfriend who is Poe Dameron. 

//

Grand General Armitage Hux often grew tired of merely overseeing this system or that system. Since the peace had come, and they had gotten their new galaxy order so to speak, with the lowsome New Republic and all it's faults obliterated. Hux had never imagined that somehow they would have to eventually join together with the Resistance and work together before everything fell apart. The memory made him shudder. The achievements made in the Outer Rim were formidable as well, but there was still the constant barrage from criminal organizations who still thought they could operate under Emperor Ben, Emperor Ren, Supreme Leader Brat, whatever he wanted to call himself and his scavenger Empress, Queen, consort, it made no difference to Hux what she was called. Hux took pride in uncovering the corruption, taking those lowlifes under his heel and squashing them. Sending tie-fighters after illegal opportunists paled to those days when his goal was to squash the Resistance. As he was thinking this, he received a hail from the Grand Admiral of what Hux thought of as his New Order Republic, not Emperor Renben's New Order Republic. His. The Grand Admiral being that cocky annoying, insolent, irresistible, and unbelievably sexy, Poe Dameron.

“Don't even start, Dameron! I'm not in the mood for any of your taunts. This had better be good,” Hux scowled into the camera. 

“I love you, too, Hugs,” Poe grinned into the camera. “I'm taking some time off, thought you might like to join me?”

Hux looked into the camera and fumed,“Time off! Are you mad! There's a...” 

Poe shook his head and shushed him gently, “Armie, when was the last time we spent some time together? I can get Connix here to take over for a couple of weeks. Can't you get that whatever his name is to fill in for you?” 

“A romantic get away might be nice,” Hux said calming down considering the idea.

“Well, actually...” Poe looked up and wondered how he was going to ask this. “You know that island where Ben and Rey often spend their vacations? I was wondering if you would mind joining me there for a week. It would be roughing it, then after, maybe we could take a restaurant tour of the Core worlds?” 

“Why there, Dameron? I could think of at least one hundred other places that I would rather spend a week than that awful rock. There isn't even any holonet there, and as for a signal? How could we check in if there was a crisis where we would be needed?” Hux barked trying to find the sense in Poe Dameron's idea. 

“That's the point! There's one more thing. I kind of may have been talked into this by Rey,” Poe spoke but then hestitated.

“Oh no, I know where this is going. All of them?” Hux put his hand over his face and shook it.

“All of them, and one more. They do love you, Armie,” Poe flashed his irresistible smile. 

Ugh, Hux couldn't take it. He couldn't say no to that face. Who could? If you would have told him twenty years before that he would fall in love with such a man, he would have called you crazy. And even after all these years he was so adorable. He could never say no. At one time, he thought to end it, never see him again, but they worked so often on the same galactic problems that it was hard to avoid him, and when he did try, Poe would taunt him until his flaming passion for him would brew again, and he would need some more Poe all over again. He made him feel so weak. 

“Alright, I'll make the arrangements and help you, 'babysit'. Who's child is joining them?” Hux asked in defeat.

“Paiger Tico, Finn and Rose's boy,” Poe smiled.

“Of course, Uncle Poe's pride and joy,” Hux scowled then whispered under his breath, “and the bane of my existence.” 

“I'm taking him on some flying maneuvers while we're there,” Poe added.

“So I imagine that leaves me with the seventeen little supreme leaders then,” Hux sighed.

“Oh, you know they love you!” Poe said blowing him a kiss.

The fact was, he wasn't sure if they actually did. He didn't care about such mundane things, however the fact he was able to have the chance to mold them at various intervals gave him pleasure. They could be so unruly at times. Hux had no time for the undisciplined. He recalled those times when he was forced to work directly with their father. This usurper who came from nowhere that Supreme Leader Snoke foisted on him as what he called his 'apprentice'. If the old man was truly wise, he would have found some talented very young child and started there, but no, he started with this man child who had 'mommy' issues. How the hell was Hux supposed to know they were basically at war with this emotional thermal detonator's mother? He did have to give some credit to that scavenger, or should he say, Empress, she did insist Hux keep his job and not lose his life. Then they were expected to socialize with them and rub elbows in the same circles. 

Hux knew those brats would keep him busy, so when it was time to prepare, he packed his datapad as a means to vent his daily frustrations. He knew Poe would just laugh, tease him and possibly give him a backrub, the last part was something to look forward to at least. He left the care of Millicent IV to Mitaka on board the ship. Millicent IV, did not take well to changes in her routine and it would be traumatic enough that she would have to spend two weeks without his company. He only hoped that Mitaka would remember how delicate and picky she was about her food and that he would brush her daily. 

Since Poe wanted to take his x-wing and give Paiger flying lessons, Hux was forced to have the youngster ride in the shuttle along with him. Though no true pilot, Hux could handle flying a shuttle just fine, thank you very much, but it was quite difficult when eleven year old Paiger kept insisting on asking about everything on the ship, the console and what each monitor regulated. Hux just knew his nerves were not going to survive the week. 

Day 1

I was fortunate enough to arrive after Dameron had so that I would not have to endure an audience with his Lordship Ren. They had already departed as soon as Dameron had arrived, probably anxious to get away from the tribe they had created from their nauseating passion for one another. I applauded myself for bringing more casual wear, as I had not realized the hike up to the lodging would be so arduous. However, I did intend to wear my suits in general for most day to day activities. Young Paiger's chant of “I need to a break” became monotonous and then he started to cry when I insisted that he march faster and called him weak. I must say I'm very surprised that a traitorous former stormtrooper could forget how to raise a more disciplined child. 

When I arrived, Dameron was lounging in the sun. For the rest of the week, Paiger shall be referred to from this moment forward as Lieutenant, as I'm hoping that something of our walk forced him to rethink some of his choices and that he will be of some aid to me in handling the rest of the children after the exercise. Poe had stepped up, gave the young Lieutenant a hug and picked him up then I allowed him to give me a peck on the cheek. Two of the young supreme leaders were playing in the dirt nearby and I immediately chastised Dameron for allowing that behavior. Dameron's excuse was “They're just kids.” and laughed and then kissed me. 

The doors opened and the chorus of “Uncle Armity” began as the big and little supreme leaders all gathered around me and in a panic, I worried that I had wrinkled my suit, but then I did remember that I was not wearing one. I had the slight feeling of panic, as to not wear my suit was a rare event and as such, it felt as if it were a second skin. I of course would remedy that shortly. After this barrage of greetings I shouted, “Formation!”. They had not remembered when last that I had spent time with them and continued to dance around as if they had no care in the world. Seventeen girls ranging in ages from 16 to 2, some appeared to be sets of twins, or at least very close in age. Lining them up by height seemed to be the most suitable means of organization and I instructed them when I ordered, 'Formation', that I expected them to comply. One of the youngest girls, I don't remember their names so I assigned them numbers and this one was 14, had a runny nose from endless crying and wondered why Uncle Armity was shouting thus. Dameron was laughing and comforting the child with kisses. I'm afraid she will grow up to be quite weak. 

Children 1 through 5 took it upon themselves to make a meal of bread dipped in porg eggs and milk cooked on a fire in a pan, and I had to admit it was quite satisfying. Dameron by this time had taken my Lieutenant flying in his x-wing, so I passed assistant duties to number 7. 7 was unusually bright child, considering her parents, however she seemed to feel that my methods were a game. 'Oh dear child, they are no game', I tried to explain, but she merely laughed. She led ten of the children in a march as we marched up and down the road several times. The locals, an alien species unknown to me, seemed to be very impressed. Apparently the girls were known to cause a few problems in the village, according to the protocol droid who had been kept in the home with the girls. 

Day 2

The sleeping arrangements were simple, though I imagine they do give one character, and I awoke very early ready to get these children to work on a vigorous regime. Dameron was still snoring when I went into the rooms and demanded all of the children wake up, dress, and come at attention outside for daily exercises. 15, 16, 17 seemed to need some assistance as far as dressing was concerned, and to my relief, 1 and 2 were reluctantly happy to take over the duties of making sure that they were properly clothed. There was some protest as to having breakfast prior, but I informed them that breakfast would follow daily exercises and that they would do well to remember that for the rest of the week. The fact that it was still dark outside also upset a few of the children, but one of the two suns was starting to peek on the horizon and there would be daylight soon enough. Dameron, who stumbled out of bed complaining of the noise, was reprimanded and put on kitchen duty immediately. Yes, I insisted, he would be under my command. He grinned shook his head and laughed. I found it indignant, and yet adorable. 

I marched the eighteen children up and down the steps to the ships and back in a rigorous fashion. Number 16 stopped and started to cry when she fell and skinned her knee. “Work through the pain, soldier,” I reminded her and we continued. 17 was too small to climb over the rocks and I had to allow number 2 to take over her care, while the others went up and down the hill. I will have to remember to rotate said duties daily so that number 1 does not miss out on the training and discipline which I hope will help mold her character. Lieutenant Paiger failed me by wanting to stop and take a break, so I demoted him and promoted 7 to Lieutenant, permanently. Lieutenant 7, who insists her name is Dosmit and giggles incessantly in spite of her great promise, took charge and helped me greatly in maintaining order. She kept insisting that this was 'fun' and I had to admit that put a tear to my eye. 

We returned to the domicile a tad earlier than I wished. I had previously thought to go up and down the hill to where we had landed the ships at least twice, but by the time we returned to the top of the hill, there was so much whining that I knew they were in desperate need of more training, and vowed that by the end of the week, we would be able to scale the hill three times very easily. Dameron very dutifully had eggs awaiting us with that horrid green milk. I was able to choke it down, but it made me wonder if we might try and make ice cream if at all possible. If there were ice and salt somewhere on this island, I might be able to accomplish this feet with the help of my little soldiers. There was also the small galley on the shuttle to use. Number 14 or was it 13, I can not for the life of me tell them apart sometimes, insisted on sitting on 'Uncle Armity's' lap as I ate. Uncle Armity being the name that one of the older girls had started calling me at her attempts of pronouncing Armitage at a young age. At the time, I let it go, but little did I know that so many of these children would just pop out of nowhere and continue the tradition. 

Dameron insisted on taking number 6 flying, as she was eager to go. I couldn't remember if she was the one that had wanted to take apart our shuttle or if she was the one who built the small speeder that the older girls would often zoom around in to the dismay of those frog women aliens who inhabited the island. Apparently, he promised all the older girls a chance to fly his x-wing with him, and I chuckled laughing how Dameron must squeeze in the back which did not leave much room in the cockpit. My former Lieutenant, now Trooper Paiger, sulked endlessly. 

For our activity today, I thought it might be fun to take all of the children down to the water and wash their clothes then hang them to dry. I was very displeased when the oldest, number 1, who insisted her name was Hope, decided that one of my suits was in need of washing as well, or shall I say, took it upon herself and ruined it. I was furious, and spit orders at all of the children to refrain from going through my wardrobe. Of course, the younger children then started to cry, and wondered if Uncle Armity hated them. I dried their tears, insisted that I did not hate them, and merely was concerned that they become well prepared at the brutality of life. I am sure they will thank me later.

Day 2. 

Number 1, as punishment for the act of ruining one of my suits, was instructed to march the youngest three children up and down the path twenty times while the rest of us did our daily ritual of marching up and down the rocky hill. Dameron felt I was being too hard on the children, but since their parents seemed to spoil them so, I was doing them a favor they would thank me for later in life. Unlike their parents, none of the children seemed to have inherited those abilities they appeared to possess, where they invoke what they call 'The Force', however, curiously enough Trooper Paiger shows this ability to me as we were walking when he would constantly lift my hat off my head. At first I thought it was the wind. I had tried holding the hat down with my hands, but could feel as if the hat had a mind of it's own and a powerful pull had forced it out of my hands. Trooper Paiger acted very innocent, and the girls laughed. I decided that he would be peeling tubers the rest of the afternoon. 

Since we had run out of what milk we had, the girls and I were charged with gathering more milk. I tried to persuade the local strange alien people with use of the protocol droid as a translator, but they had refused to trade and slammed the door into my face. Although I was tempted to arm the girls and raid the village, I took a deep breath, and asked number 2 what they would typically do to obtain more milk. They immediately started grabbing various vessels and handed one to me as well. We took an arduous walk along the edge of the rocky formations and saw these large mammals with very large mammaries. They were absolutely hideous. One of the girls squeezed one allowing it to go directly into her mouth. They then all proceeded to relieve the creatures of some of their milk. I was a bit concerned of the danger to my charges. After all, even though it is best for the weak to be allowed to die strengthening the power of the herd, in this case, knowing their parents, it would not go well for me if I were to use that philosophy on my current task. It seemed safe enough, and they insisted that I fill my own vessel myself. While at first, I thought that it was beneath me, I gave it a go, and it was not quite as difficult as I imagined. The horrendous smell of those beasts. I inquired if ice was available at all naturally on the island and one of the girls gave me a shrug. I imagined I would have to figure out some way to retrieve some from the small galley on the shuttle. Perhaps the next morning when we do our daily jaunt down the hill. 

 

Day 3

The morning was raining, and although I intended to start the day with the morning exercises, Dameron was horrified at the thought, and the children protested. Instead I insisted on one hundred push-ups, and the promise if the rain cleared up of not only marching up and down the hill, but stopping at the ship and perhaps making ice cream with some of the milk we gathered. I know the children would suffer without that daily exercise, and I was sure they would be pleased. I also felt that the little hellions would enjoy a treat, and I myself missed my daily indulgence of ice cream. After the push ups, and breakfast, I suggested we do a full spring cleaning of the huts, which was a bit difficult with the dirt floor. Perhaps I was too hard on the children as Dameron suggested, but I didn't think it unreasonable to suggest having four year olds scrubbing the walls. Why maintenance service was mandatory for all toddlers in the stormtrooper program. The weather did clear up, and everyone, Dameron included, walked down the hill to the shuttle with various bottles and containers in hand, both empty and those containing milk. The children knew of a place where berries were growing which were sweet, so I had Lieutenant 7 organize a team to gather enough for all. I reassigned Trooper Paiger to Major Paiger. Captain 2 was in charge of keeping the smaller children under control, though she shouted each time I referred to her as Captain 2 and insisted I use her real name, Hanna. I could concede as Captain Hanna had a good handle on enforcing rules for the younger children and showed promise in rising in the ranks. Dameron, however, decided it was a good time to play a game while waiting for the team to return from their mission. I sneered at him, but then he proceeded to kiss me, causing the children to laugh. I imagine I could allow a small break as they would soon be put to a vigorous chore which involved a lot of shaking. There is no reward without hard work and it was about time these children learned that!

When the team returned, I went into the shuttle and collected as much ice as I could. We paired the children, Number 1 with 17, Captain 2, er, um, Captain Hanna, with 16, number 3 with 15, etc. This seemed to be the most efficient means of distribution of duty, as the smaller children would not have the stamina of the older children, I could concede that. Lieutenant 7 made a motion to use her name, of Dismal? Dosmet? Whatever it was, the motion was denied. I threatened a demotion and she complied. Dameron comforted number 13 who started to cry when I shouted at Lieutenant 7 for making the suggestion. I fear number 13 will grow weak. A very sensitive child I imagine who will grow still having temper tantrums in the way her father did in his younger years. It did make me proud that Lieutenant 7 valued her rank enough to concede. She was paired with Major Paiger. 

Once we devised the vessels in such a way that each team could take turns shaking, a few of the children decided to make a game of throwing the vessels. Each smaller container was filled with the milk and the fruit, then placed inside another container with ice and salt for shaking. I could allow them to have some fun with the task as long as they took it seriously enough to do it correctly. Dameron enlisted the aid of his astromech. After about a half hour of this, I inspected each container, and was surprised that most of them had been successful. We poured those who were successful with the task into one large bowl, with the failures into another. Those who succeeded were allowed to share ice cream with me, and those who failed were forced to drink and taste failure. Though why they still had smiles on their faces was beyond me. Dameron went into his x-wing and brought out a piece of candy for each. I fear he spoils them. 

Day 4

There was a disagreement with the local townsfolk. I reluctantly requested the assistance of that ridiculous protocol droid. Apparently we make too much noise too early in the morning. They had the nerve to request we “either keep it down” or “march later in the day”. I suggested they join us which had the entire village, who appeared to all be female for some reason, raising brooms and various other objects in anger threatening me with physical violence. 

Day 5

In spite of the conversation had the previous day, I continued with my daily early morning training of the girls and Major Paiger. Upon our return, the local villagers had formed a mob and began to chase me throughout the horrid island. There apparently are areas of this island completely covered in excrement of those vile birds that dwell here and at one point I slipped in the filth and received a beating. It was not as painful as those beatings I would endure as a small child, and my pride was hurt more than anything. I was forced to return to the hut in disgrace covered in porg guano. The villagers and I were able to reach an arrangement where I would still be able to continue the daily exercises, but was forced to concede to doing them in the early evening hours. However, I would make the best of the situation, and to add more to their character, morning push ups would replace the early morning marches. 

Dameron had the nerve of laughing at my condition, then suggested that we take the entire troop swimming. 

Day 6

I am relieved to say that it ends tomorrow. This morning, even after the talk with the villagers, we resumed our early morning march and I had expected to have accomplished my goal of having the majority of the children conditioned to make the track back and forth at least twice. However, I did not expect the return of the angry mob of not only the short green alien women, but apparently the males of their tribe who had returned from wherever they go to rid themselves of the company of these awful creatures. And who really can blame them? Dameron had the nerve to remind me that we were visitors to their home. I would think they would be happy that I kept my young charges so occupied. They didn't take their anger out on the children however, and I had twice as many of the alien souls chasing me with their brooms, large spears and various other household items. I was able to dodge the area of the porg excrement, however, I did step in a porg nest and slipped on broken raw eggs. The porgs then began to become angry, and started hovering and crowding me. While it was horridly disgraceful, they did protect me from the villagers and they merely laughed at my torment, or seemed to, who could really tell with those vile creatures. Dameron's astromech came to my aid, zapping a few of the birds away from me, however he may have hit me a few times as well. Dameron insists it was merely an accident, but I know that droid has had it out for me for some time and did it deliberately. 

Back at the huts, the younger children requested that Uncle Armity tell them a story of when I was young, and I started to tell them the story of how at the age of ten I had taken a group of young recruits through a survival test on a lava planet. One of the tests included traipsing a thin rope bridge and we lost three of our recruits who failed at the task and fell into the lava. As I described it, merely 'weeding out the weakest of us'. A few of the children were crying, and Dameron insisted that the story was not fit for children. I had to remind him that they were children. Children in fact that were ages six through twelve and that our current charges were too soft to endure such arduous tasks. Lieutenant 7 suggested we visit a lava planet to find out ourselves. I really like that girl. Unfortunately there was not room on the shuttle for all eighteen of the children, and Dameron nixed the entire idea. I really don't know why I put up with that man. There was a chorus of 'Little Ani needs a change' as apparently Number 17 or was it 16, had soiled herself, and I was grateful that Captain 1 stepped in and took care of the duty. Perhaps I will use her proper name in the future. 

Then disaster happened. We had run out of green milk and had to go and obtain some more of the horrid, but necessary item. I must admit it did make for a fine ice cream, and suggested we make some more while waiting for their mother to return tomorrow. As we milked the hideous beasts, I mistook a step and slipped on some wet rocks. I had broken my leg. The two older girls, number 1, or well Captain Hope, and Commander Hanna along with Dameron and some help from Major Paiger who explained he was 'using the Force' were able to carry me and help me back to the hut. General 7, I had made her my second, took over my duties of keeping the others in formation, Dameron put a splint on my leg and I was forced to remain still while the rest of the recruits went wild in spite of the efforts of General 7. I asked her if she wished to return to her real name as I had done with the others, of Dismal or Dormouse or whatever it was, but she said she preferred 7. I contemplated taking her back to the Finalizer with me. Surely her parents would not miss one. They do have so many. Dameron insisted that they would, and would be highly upset. Such a shame. She shows such promise.

Day 7

I apparently not only missed our daily march, but breakfast as well. I was proud that General 7 had picked up the slack and marched the majority of the children anyway much to the dismay of the townspeople, who immediately barged in on me as I was laid up in my bed with the broken leg. The pain medications that Dameron had given me in a moment of weakness had caused me to be knocked out for some time, and the villagers had the nerve to laugh at my condition. The protocol droid had translated that they wished to invite us all to a gathering to celebrate the return of the males of the village, who I imagine wisely leave as often as they can to rid themselves of the females in the village. When General 7 returned with the rest of the children, as some of the younger recruits had stayed behind with Commader Hanna, they aided me with my injury to the gathering which included some disgusting food, but some well prepared fish. I actually was quite surprised that they would include us in their celebration, but one of the girls had mentioned they they always had, and that they had merely taken pity on me. I had to admit this made me quite furious. I tried to hobble back on my own, but fell, and defeated, remained sitting on the ground while Dameron insisted that I 'take it easy' and 'try and calm down'. Calm down? Sometimes I wonder how this man survived the war between the First Order and the Resistance with this kind of weakness. I however did find it charming in the end, and allowed him to care for me as it seemed to amuse him. That was the only reason. I would crawl in the dirt to my ship if it had been necessary. 

Their mother, the scavenger, returned sometime in the afternoon in that wreck of a ship that amazes me even gets off the ground let alone is spaceworthy. She insisted that the children all come and give Uncle Poe and Uncle 'Armity' a hug before we left. All of the children threw themselves on Uncle Poe, but General 7 stood by me and shook my hand and saluted. Surely her mother would not miss her if we brought her along? When I suggested it, her mother became enraged and insisted that I leave as soon as possible. I retreated in the need of aid back to my ship, with Captain Hope and Commander Hannah aiding me along with Dameron. General 7 wanted to follow, but her mother would not allow it. We said our goodbyes and I awarded her a medal before our departure. Dameron was forced to leave his x-wing behind as to fly the shuttle, though I insisted that I would make out fine in spite of the broken leg. I eventually allowed it as he merely could request pick up at a later date. He said it was too much of a risk for me to fly in such a condition, and he was so nauseatingly concerned. He brought me to the Finalizer, and the med droid there informed me that I would need five days of bacta treatment for the leg. Dameron, though a tad upset at the prospect of missing out on our post babysitting romantic adventure visiting the restaurants of the Core worlds, insisted on staying on board the ship to make sure I would have adequate care. Sir, this is my ship, and these are my loyal subjects, um, soldiers! While I took comfort in his tender care, he insisted that ball that followed him around accompany him, and I was looking forward to the end of the week when I could return to my more routine duties. I knew that droid of his would only cause distress to my dear Millicent IV! I could only take comfort in the fact that I was home.


End file.
